My throat has been
in my stomach since I came across a few news articles the other day about a
rape on a college campus between a student and girl who happened to go to the
wrong party. I have read ALL the articles on every side of this story and they
all make me want to throw up. The act itself was horrendous and I know
PERSONALLY just how much the victim’s life will NEVER EVER, EVER be the same.
She will never love the same again. She will never go to sleep the same again.
She will never look in the mirror and see the same person again. She will
always be on edge when she is walking alone at night or in broad day light or
when she is trying to fall asleep. She will never trust the same way
again. This will be with her every moment of every day.
She will do
something to cope with all the pain, suffering like that will make someone turn
to something to feel better, for me it was food and becoming OBESE so NO man
would ever look at me again and want to touch me. I was raped after drinking
too much at a bar in college, it was not violently-but everything in my life
changed drastically. My rapist took WAY more than just my virginity. For
someone to reduce a rape to “20 minutes of action”- they should be ASHAMED of
themselves. This coming from a FATHER who HAS A DAUGHTER and I know would feel
very differently if this happened to his daughter, at least I would hope so. I
understand that as a Father you should always stand up and support your
children and family but to reduce a VIOLENT RAPE to “20 minutes of action” is
NEVER OKAY. I understand to say that the rapist life has drastically changed
because of this event and he will never be the same. I don’t doubt that but to
have ZERO regard for the women and how DRASTICALLY HER WHOLE LIFE WAS CHANGED,
that is nonsense.
I almost do not
want to share this with others because I do not want to bring any glorification
to this horrible act BUT I cannot be silent. I cannot sit back and watch a
victim be SHAMED for what happened to her. I can’t read comments like-
“Rape on campuses
isn’t always because people are rapists”
“This is completely
different from a woman getting kidnapped and raped as she is walking to her car
in a parking lot. That is a rapist. These are not rapists. These are idiot boys
and girls having too much to drink and not being aware of their surroundings
and having clouded judgement. I’m not saying that is every case because I know
there are young men that take advantage of young women and vice versa, but I
know for a fact that Brock is not one of those people. He is respectful and
caring, talented and SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER”
The thing that gets
me the most is NOT the sentence or really lack thereof given to Brock Turner;
it is the BLATANT DENIAL and NO REMORSE that was shown to the victim of this
crime. To reduce something like this to just some idiot boys and girls drinking
too much is making it seem like it is not a CRIME at all. But this is a crime.
We need to start speaking up. We need to stand by other victims. We need to
stop shaming the women that are raped, not matter where or how the rape
happened.
I never in a
million years thought I would be speaking out on something like this because it
happened to me personally. I never thought that what happened to me would be
something that other people experience. It breaks my heart to know that there
are so many more women out there that are suffering in SILENCE. Break the
silence. Become free. Share your story. Help others share theirs. Heal your
heart. We need to stick together and we need to help others.
I just got done
reading the WHOLE letter written by the victim and reading every word broke my
heart a little more. I was with her in every moment. I remember the first night
after I was raped. I remember exactly how my college apartment looked. I remember
the sheets that were on my bed. I started to remember that I had to bang on my
apartment door the morning after PRAYING that my roommate would hear me and let
me in, desperately wanting to get into my room, lock the door, and never
emerge. I remember the sweet friends that came to my side and went to the
Emergency Room with me, I may not talk to any of them anymore but I will
forever be grateful for them and the way they loved me and told me I was okay
and they were here to help. My heart broke reading every word of this victim’s
letter.
“My damage was internal, unseen, I carry it with me. You
took away my worth, my privacy, my energy, my time, my safety, my intimacy, my
confidence, my own voice, until today.”
“I had to force myself to relearn my real name, my
identity. To relearn that this is not all that I am. That I am not just a drunk
victim at a frat party found behind a dumpster, while you are the All American
swimmer at a top university, innocent until proven guilty, with so much at
stake. I am a human being who has been irreversibly hurt; my life was put on
hold for over a year, waiting to figure out if I was worth something.”
“I have to relearn that I am not fragile, I am capable, I
am wholesome, not just livid and weak.”
It is almost
like she was in my mind explaining how I had to rally to get my life in order. It
took me 9 years to regain control over my life. 9 YEARS. I pray that it does not
take her 9 years to regain full control of her life. I hope that she can
continue to press on and share her story and stand up for the girls that can’t
stand up for themselves yet, who can’t stare their stories yet.
The last part of
the letter really got me. This is why I share my story. This is why I want to
stand up for other girls. This is why I warn the sweet young girls in my life
to be careful when they are in college or even after. To be aware of your
surroundings and to look out for one another. We need to be supportive of each
other. I am going to leave you with the words of this BRAVE, STRONG, BEAUTIFUL
woman who I have never met, but wish I could meet and hug right now for how she
fought for herself and wants to fight for others.
“And finally, to girls everywhere, I am with you. On
nights when you feel alone, I am with you. When people doubt you or dismiss
you, I am with you. I fought every day for you. So never stop fighting, I
believe you. As the author Anne Lamott once wrote, “Lighthouses don’t go
running all over an island looking for boats to save; They just stand there
shining.” Although I can’t save every boat, I hope that by speaking today, you
absorbed a small amount of light, a small knowing that you can’t be silenced, a
small satisfaction that justice was served, a small assurance that we are
getting somewhere, and a big, big knowing that you are important,
unquestionably, you are untouchable, you are beautiful, you are to be valued,
respected, undeniably, every minute of every day, you are powerful and nobody
can take that away from you. To girls everywhere, I am with you. Thank you.”
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